After the End
by Ailith Night
Summary: Set between Black Butler 1 and 2, this is a story of Ciel's brief time being dead. In this story, Sebastian does eat Ciel's soul. So where does Ciel end up after that, and what happens to change his history, causing him to return? Check it out.
1. Chapter 1

After the End

Chapter 1

The dark angel was there when I woke up. She was doing something to me. It hurt. Her black wings were half open, circling around like a beast, protecting its kill. My vision blurred, constantly, and it took me a minute to realize I was seeing with two eyes instead of one. She touched me, on my chest. It was agony, but, familiar. It brought back memories. Sebastian, how I died, how it hurt. I could feel him being gentle with me, despite what I'd said, and I was grateful. As gentle as he was, it was still excruciating. I would have blacked out, but I couldn't. Death was a relief, briefly. I could feel the dark angel's fingers moving, they moved from my chest to my side, then suddenly, I was flipped over, and her fingers were trailing along my spine. I could feel them stroking, up, down, up again. It would have been soothing, had it not been so painful. But, I had resolved, just before the end, no matter how much it hurt, I would never show my pain, even in hell. Her fingers had stopped. They were at the top of my back, just at my neck. She pressed down, hard. I couldn't help it. I broke my vow. I sucked in a massive breath, just before passing out.

When I woke up again, I was in her arms. We were moving, her wings flapped ever few moments, so I assumed we were flying. I was scared. The pain was gone. I was numb everywhere, to numb to even move. She was scanning the skies, and the grounds below. Her gaze shifted to me for a moment and she smiled. Not an evil smile, like she was going to drop me, but a genuine smile, like she was happy I was waking up. My eye patch was tied back around my head, I could only see from one eye, one was enough. She looked to the ground, smiled more, and closed her wings. We were plummeting straight out of the sky. She stared intensely at the ground below. I could not see what she was looking at. I didn't want to. So I closed my eyes and waited for more pain to come. It didn't. Instead, I drifted into more slumber.

I woke up again, in my bed, in my room, and completely naked. Come to think of it, I'd been naked the whole time. I tried to get up, hoping the whole thing had been only a dream, that I wasn't dead and Sebastian would be in momentarily to dress me, but as soon as I moved, the pain came back. The door opened. I looked up, still hoping for Sebastian. It wasn't him, it was the dark angel, with a tray in her hands. Afraid she was back to torture me, I shrunk back into the covers. I watched as she turned around. I could feel myself cowering, and I loathed myself for it, but I couldn't stop. She approached slowly, whatever was on her tray rattled with every step she took. She placed the tray on the nightstand, I didn't look at it, to afraid of what I might see. She pulled back the covers, I struggled a little, but it was too painful and she easily overpowered me. She pulled me close to her and looked me over. She grabbed something off the tray. I closed my eyes as she moved it close to my face. She stuck it in my mouth, tipped it down, and pulled it out again. The broth was warm. It felt good. As I swallowed, the good feeling radiated throughout my body, sending all the pain away from every recess of myself. I opened my eyes again. She was watching me. She was smiling, almost laughing, like she was about to tell a joke she found very funny.

"I trust you can handle the rest on your own." I looked at the tray. A bowl of broth, a muffin, and a cup of tea. I could tell from the smell, Earl Gray. I nodded. She stood up. "Good, when you are finished, there are clothes in your closet. Before you ask, no, you can't wear something else." I looked at her, really looked at her for the first time. She looked young, older than me, but still young. She wore clothes I'd never seen before. A pair of blue pants, and a white collarless shirt. I have no idea how she got it on over her black wings. "Once you're decent, you can come to the foyer. There is much to be explained." At this, her eyes dropped, but then she looked up. "Welcome Ciel Phantomhive, to the place you will spend the rest of your existence."

Now that the pain was gone, I could move freely. I finished the food and walked to my closet. I opened it to find a bunch of dresses. Well, robes would be more accurate. Some were white, some grey, some black, and various shades of blue. I grabbed a blue one and pulled it on over my head. As much as I disliked wearing a dress, admittedly it felt good. It was soft and warm, like a blanket I could wear. I looked around for a pair of shoes, and a pair of underwear for that matter. I found neither. So I made my way on out. My bare feet made almost no sound as I approached thee foyer, yet somehow, she heard, and turned to greet me as I walked in. The foyer was different, but the same. Not the one I'd come to know in the last few years, but the one before it. Even the ark sat there on the rug.

"It's good to see you on your feet Ciel. Are you alright?" She looked me over again. She had changed, no longer wearing those strange clothes, but now in a robe of her own. A soft cream color, like clouds at sunset. She was watching me expectantly. I realized she was waiting for an answer.

"I'm fine." My voice sounded weak. I cleared my throat and tried again. "I'm fine. Where are we? Is this Heaven or Hell?" Her eyes dropped again. I could tell she did not want to tell me. "Hell it is then. Don't worry, I'm ready for it." She looked up startled.

"No, no. It isn't Hell, don't worry. No one is going to punish you."

"Heaven?"  
"Erm, well no, not Heaven either."

"Then where? Tell me now."

"Please don't order me around. I'm not your servant. We are equals here." She was rolling her eyes.

"Where is here?" she sighed.

"Fine, this is the shadow realm."

"The shadow realm?"

"Yes."

"What the hell is that. I've never heard of any shadow realm."

"It is not common knowledge. You see, when someone dies and their soul lingers, they are called ghosts. We are not ghosts. We're Shadows. Our souls are dead and we are all that is left of our existence."

"That's preposterous. A soul can't die."

"Well, it is not easy to kill a soul. Few have the power to do it. A soul suckers is one of them."

"Sebastian."

"Yes. He is our killer. Our true death."

"He took your soul, too? "

"Well, technically we both gave them to him."

"Oh, you made a deal with him."

"Yes. See?" She pulled down her collar and showed me a symbol at the top of her chest.

"You are still marked. Am I still marked?" I touch my eye, feeling my eye patch beneath my fingers.  
"Well, as I said, we are shadows of our existence."

"What does that mean? What happens here?"

"Not much really. This is just our home. Nothing new

happens. It is always the same. No time truly passes here. If you want to do anything interesting, you have to leave this realm."

"Huh?"

"Think of it like the whole world, all three realms, are in layers. We are on the top layer, so we can travel to both layers beneath us. The spirit realm is the middle layer, anyone from there can travel down to Earth, but not up to the shadow realm. Earth is the bottom layer. No one from there can travel up to either other layer, without dying first. Alright, come on, let me show you. Then we can come back and talk some more."

"Ok." She grabbed my hand and we flew away. Outside, I looked down onto the entire estate, but, the lawn blurred around the edges, changing into other things. "Why is it doing that?"

"There are other shadows here Ciel. That house is yours. It is the shadow of your home. Other Shadows have their own houses, the ones they considered home. It blurs were one Shadow's memory becomes another's."

"Where is your home?"

"I never truly had one."  
"Oh." We were silent after that, until we reached a pair of gates. She landed and grabbed a ring from a box beside the gates.

"This, is yours. Never lose it, or else you won't be able to travel anymore. Especially never lose it in another realm. You wouldn't be able to come back if you did, and you would fade out of existence itself. Ok, put it on and take my hand. Ready? Let's go." She lead me through the gates and the ground fell from beneath us. "Don't be afraid. It comes back." Suddenly, we were on Earth, on the island where I died. Sebastian was just pulling away from what was left of my corpse. The memory started to bring back the pain. "Don't think about it. It is just a memory now." Sebastian sat there for a minute, as if stunned.

"Dear master. I will miss you. You always had a way of surprising me." Sebastian picked me up. "Do not worry master. I will lay you to rest somewhere nice." He started walking through the ruins. I followed. "I have prepared something nice for you. A place worthy of accepting your body. You see, young master, I am simply one hell of a butler."

Sebastian took my body into the woods. Following no path I could see, he just kept going, twisting and turning as if he knew the place by heart. "You see, young master, this was my home as a child, before I realized who, or rather, what, I am. I know of a wonderful place, hidden in this forest. You will love it." It hadn't occurred to me that Sebastian had been a child. I also never knew he cared so much for me. A few minutes later we came to a clearing. It was filled with moonlight and dozens of roses. Three colors of roses. Around the edges, they were black, most were several different shades of blue, and at the center, was a small patch of white roses. The white ones sat close to the ground, cut to grow in a bed. This is where he laid me down. My blood still leaked from my body. Sebastian smiled. "Its alright master, you only make them more beautiful. From now on, you can be a part of the roses. No one will ever disturb you, I will make sure of it. You can sleep now, and be eternally peaceful." He fixed my shirt for the last time, straightened my bow tie, and kissed my forehead. Then he was gone, perhaps to find a new master. I stayed.

"Ciel?"

"He cared for me. He truly cared for me."

"He did. He loved you, Ciel."

"I never thought a demon could truly love anything, but he loved me." She touched my cheeks. Her fingers came back wet. I was not sad. For the first time in three years, I truly and genuinely smiled.

"Come on, Ciel. There is one more thing I want you to see for now." I stood up, slightly shaky, and nodded. She took my hand again and the ground fell away again. This time, I was not afraid. We stopped somewhere white. Extremely white. There was a mass of people gathered around something in the center of the square. She pulled me closer to it. There were many people. Some looked kind, others were downright frightening, even to me. When we got to the center, I saw two people, kneeling in front of a picture. My picture.

"Mother, Father?"

"They can't here you, Ciel." My parents were crying, I could see their tears wetting the ground.

"What is this?"

"It's a funeral. Everyone in the spirit realm, even the bad people, mourn the death of a soul."

"Why did you bring me here?"

"I thought you might want to see them, before they began moving on."

"What?" I looked up at her. She wasn't looking at me. She was staring at a different soul, across the square. She too, was crying. "Who is he? What do you mean moving on?"

"The people who would care most about you have earned their way into paradise. No one stays sad in paradise for long. Soon, they move on, you fade from their memories and they are happy again." I could tell she was in another place and time. I stood up.

"Can we go back now. This place is to sad right now."

"Of course." She took my hand and the ground fell away. We came to the gates from earlier. We went through and she picked me up. We got back to the estate and I saw something new. Behind the manor and I saw a bit of woods. Tucked inside I could see a clearing. It was mostly blue with a small patch of white at the center.

"Why is that place here?"

"It is yours now, a part of your home. You can go there whenever you please." We dropped from the sky again. Just before we would have hit the ground, she pulled up. We landed lightly, went inside, and sat down.

"So, what questions do you have?"

"Just two, for now."

"Go on."

"Who are you? How did you end up here?"

"I'm afraid it is a longer story than I just sold my soul to Sebastian."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"There is much to my story, some I do not wish to share with you, you are, after all, still a young boy. Why don't you start by asking questions. I will answer any question you ask wholly and truthfully." This girl was starting to annoy me. Still, she knows more of this realm than I do. I need her knowledge. I want to know everything, starting with her.

"How about a name. You never told me that. In my head you have been the dark angel."

"I have had many names. If you are looking for something to refer to me as, you may call me Ailith, though dark angel is not a title I dislike, despite its inaccuracy." She is infuriating.

"How is it inaccurate?"

"I am not an angel. Angels are beings of the spirit realm who have been granted permission to travel to the physically realm to perform tasks, much like grim reapers."

"If you are not an angel, why do you have wings?"

"For that, you need some back story. I have lived a million lives. Each life has lasted a million lifetimes. Each life, I come back something different. Since I am a shadow of my entire existence, I can choose what parts of each life are prevalent. I rather liked my wings, so I kept them. They are so soft and warm."

"Why?" The look she gives me makes me rethink my question, and sanity.

"Why are they soft and warm?" Now the look makes sense.

"No, why did you live so many times, and how could you, the world can't possibly be that old?" She smiles. I don't know why.

"To answer your first question, I don't know. I don't remember my first life that well, it was so long ago. I remember I did something bad when I was young. I spent my whole life, and all the lives since, paying the price for it…"

"Why would you not go to hell?"

"Like I said, I don't know. Fate has other plans I guess." She shrugs.

"Fate. You actually believe in Fate?"

"Yes. The religious belief of my kind, that is, the kind of my first life, is very different than yours. We believe in three gods, Fate, and her two sons. Fate rules over all existence. She controls the timeline, making sure that, no matter what, existence can carry on. Fate has two sons, one relishes in the pain and suffering of souls. Thus forth, he was put in charge of punishing souls for their crimes. The other brother is his polar opposite. He loves when the souls are happy, so he is in charge of rewarding them. These three are the only true gods. The three divinities." This surprises me, but, it feels right. Like this is the truth.

"Ok, but is the world really that old?"

"No, this world is not that old."

"This world. That sounds suspicious."

"I have seen England rise and fall 1,000 times. Even when a world dies, a new one rises from the ashes, and the old world is forgotten, thus, existence continues on. Plus, the spirit realm doesn't die with it, just the physical realm. I know you must have thought my clothes strange when I brought you food earlier. They came from a previous world that had been alive longer than this one."

"If they are different worlds, why does England keep showing up.?

"They are different, but the same. Major things repeat themselves in different ways. Minor things change. At least, I think that is how it is. I can't say for sure, but I've guessed. I've had plenty of time for guessing." She laughs at her joke, and I have to admit, it amused me as well. I actually laughed with her. It felt nice to laugh after so long.

"Okay, you've told me a lot, but why did you sell your soul to Sebastian? What did you want from him?"

"Oh, that's any easy one. I wanted to die." She beams as if this is the most normal answer in the world. Instead, it is the strangest thing she's said so far.

"If you just wanted to die, why didn't you just kill yourself. Probably would have been a whole hell of a lot less painful." The memory brings the pain back, and this time, I can't stop it. I feel as if I'm reliving the whole thing again, down to the last detail. I pass out.

"Ciel. Ciel! Come on, wake up. Here. Drink this." She pours more broth into my mouth. I try to swallow but the pain still washes over me like waves crashing against a beach, dragging away more and more of my sand, my self. She messages my throat into swallowing. The pain flows away but more follows it. I can't escape. I feel something pull over my head and she touches my chest again. Her fingers trail down my side and I'm flipped over again. She begins trailing her fingers up and down my spine again. I know what comes next and I brace myself best as I can. Her fingers reach the top of my spine and press down. For the second time, I suck in a massive breathe and pass out.

I come to in my bed again. At least this time, she put my robe back on. "Dammit." I showed weakness again.

"You're awake!" I am suddenly attacked. My attacker manages to squeeze me in a hug while I'm lying down. I feel as if I'm back in England, and Lizzy has come to visit. It hurts, I can feel myself grimacing, but I still try to hug back. Before I can, the arms disappear. I manage to sit up with a little effort. Ailith is there, two feet from my bed with arms behind her back and lips pursed. She watches me with the same look Lizzy did when I was in a foul mood. Even though this dark haired girl looked almost nothing like her, save for the eyes, which were also green, the comparison makes me chuckle. Ailith relaxes, stepping toward me, she grabs a cup of broth from the nightstand and hands it to me.

"Do I get to hear the joke?"

"You remind me of my betrothed Elizabeth. The worried look on your face was just like hers. She used to worry a lot." The warmth washed away the pain again and I relaxed. She smiles, then sighs.

"You should stop doing that to yourself. Don't you get it yet, memories are life here. They are real."

"I'm sorry to worry you, I couldn't stop it. Come to think of it, how did you? Stop it, I mean."

"I numbed your nerve so that your brain couldn't tell your body to remember the pain and your body couldn't tell your brain it was in pain." She's still watching me worriedly. "Are you okay now?"

"I'm fine now, thank you. You didn't finish answering my question." At this, she rolls her eyes.

"Fine, I thought you might want some peace and rest." She flopped down at the foot of my bed. "It wasn't enough, normal death. I've died plenty of normal deaths to tell you exactly how it is for me. I wake up standing in front of the gates to the spirit realm. Just on the other side, my mate and family watch me. At first, they did so expectantly. After a while, with questioning hope, then, they stopped coming. Only my mate kept showing up. He had this desperate, hopeless hope that he watched it with. It was always the same. A voice would come from thin air, 'You can't come here.' Then the ground would fall away. I'ld wake up with a new life, my others forgotten until I stood at the gates again."

"So you found away to escape?"

"Don't think me weak, Ciel. I didn't do it for me. My own pain is bearable, I'm strong. I did it for my mate."

"He was the one you were staring at earlier."

"Yesterday, yes." The first word catches me off guard. I finally realize we've been seeing by candlelight.

"What time is it?"

"About three am." She's watching me again.

"Hmph. How did you pick him out of the crowd so quickly?"

"I could pick out my mate in a crowd of a hundred identical twins. Our kind is special. The term soul mates is quite literal. The souls of two mates recognize each other as their one and only true loves. Those souls would recognize each other as such even if they lived a hundred lives. It never changes. The connection is so deep, we even share each others emotional pain. My own pain was bearable. His was not. I couldn't stand the fact he was getting hurt for my punishment. So yes, I escaped. I found Sebastian. He was willing, albeit confused. He got my soul, I got my wish, and my mate got to move on. He's happy now, he doesn't have to hurt over me anymore."

"So, when you said moving on, you meant forgetting you ever existed?"

"Now you see why I wanted you to see them right away. I would not recommend visiting them again, it will only hurt."

"Ok, what about Elizabeth?"

"She'll remember until she goes to paradise. Then she'll forget and stop hurting over it."

"And Sebastian?"

"I don't know if a demon is actually capable of forgetting something. He may remember you forever." I sighed.

"So, most likely, everyone I care about most will forget about me. Wish I'd known that when I got into the contract."

"There are some things even Sebastian doesn't know, but he told you you would never get into paradise. He knew that much."

"I guess. So, now what."

"Now you should sleep some more. It's been a long couple of days. Tomorrow we can find something fun to do." At this, she got up and smiled. She grabbed the candle and started for the door.

"Hey, I thought time didn't pass here, and that it was always boring." She paused at the door and turned to look at me.

"It's complicated, I'll explain in the morning. Goodnight." She walked out and closed the door, leaving me in the dark.

"Goodnight." My voice echoes in the dark as I pass out for the third time that day. How pathetic.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Later that morning, I woke up on my own. I opened my curtains to find the sun blazing just over the trees. I put on a clean robe and wandered out of my room. In the foyer, I found Ailith, asleep on the sofa. I decided to leave her be. After a good deal of wandering, I found the kitchen. I realized I was famished and I had no servants to cook for me, so I decided to try my hand at making toast. I don't think I did it right. A few minutes later, I had several black pieces of bread and a kitchen full of smoke. It was only moments after that, Ailith showed up, bucket of water at the ready.

"What in blue blazes do you think you're doing!" I was mortified. I could feel the blood heating my cheeks and tinting them pink.

"I'm trying to make toast." Ailith was dumbstruck for a few seconds then she cracked. "STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" that quieted her down, a bit.

"I'm sorry Ciel, you're not the first person I've known who couldn't make toast. Here, I'll make breakfast. Just watch and learn." She grabbed four eggs, some milk, some fresh bread, and some butter. I watched as she melted a bit of butter into a pan. She cracked all the eggs into a bowl, added a bit of milk and salt from the cabinet, then whisked it together. She poured it into the hot skillet and pulled out a spoon and a second pan. She threw the bread I had made out the window and grabbed two fresh slices. She put them in the pan, then the oven. Turning to the eggs, she stirred them occasionally. A couple of minutes later she pulled the bread out of the oven, flipped it over, and put it back in the oven. She returned to stirring the eggs. "Grab two plates, cups, and sets of silverware." As I did that, she took the toast from the oven, the eggs off the burner, and a kettle on. It was only a few more minutes before we were seated at the table with two plates of eggs and toast, assorted jams and jellies, some butter, and chamomile tea. "Enjoy, Ciel." I took the first bite.

"This is at least as good as Sebastian's, if not better."

"Thank you. Before long, you'll know how to do it yourself" I sighed.

"I'm pathetic. I don't know how to survive without Sebastian."

"That's not pathetic, that's normal for a nobleman. Besides, you'll learn. You'll be making gourmet cuisine in no time." She was too kind.

"Why are you so kind to me. I've not seen anyone else here. But you're here trying to teach me."

"Hmm, I have my reasons."

"What could you want from me. I don't think I actually have anything." She seems shocked.

"Nothing Ciel, I don't need anything, I guess I just want to have some company for a while. Most other shadows aren't very nice. They're still bitter, about everything apparently."

"I want to offer you something, if you're going to be around helping me. It's only fair."

"Look, just letting me stay here is enough. It's nice here, and we could have fun together. Then we could both be happy."

"Ok, that seems… fair. By the way, where does the food come from."

"Where else, memories. If you want to try something new, you'd have to remember ingredients. Otherwise, you could remember entire meals if you want. I just like to cook."

"Wow, guess I should have seen that coming. Memories are life. Memories are real." This made her laugh. Our food was gone. She got up and grabbed the plates. I brought the tea cups and silverware. We placed them in the sink. Then Ailith started clearing away ingredients. Before long, we were back in the foyer.

"So, how old are you, like, uh…"

"Fifteen."

"Oh, just two years older than me then. I guess we don't age here."

"You can opt to, but you can't go from thirteen to twenty in three minutes, you would age like normal, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year. Just as if this were the physical realm.

"Oh, and you opted not to?"

"For now."

"So how does this work. You said time doesn't pass here."

"That was just the easiest way to put it. Ok, time here is not synced up with life in the physical realm. Moments there could be years here. Years here could be nothing there. Same goes for the spirit realm. But, the ring returns you to the point in time that you left off at, until you get practiced enough to change this. Once you learn to control where in time you land, you can land anywhere, past, present, or future. Let me tell you, watching yourself as a shadow is the weirdest feeling ever. Sometimes, you remember feeling like you were being watched and finally understanding why. I also said it was boring here. Not always. You just have to learn to turn your memories into reality, but when you've been here as long as I have, your own memories become a little boring, and few shadows are willing to share theirs. Which reminds me, what do you want to do today."

"I want to go see Elizabeth."

"I… advise against it."

"Why."

"Spend to much time in the physical realm, and you start to fade. You've got to learn to moderate your time outside the shadow realm. And choose wisely were to go when you do leave. Each time, you can bring back new memories to add to your home here, new things to do, but you can't bring memories of other souls. It doesn't work that way."

"Oh, when can I go back to see her?"

"It should be safe tomorrow, for just a little bit. The bigger gaps between visits, the longer you can spend actually visiting."

"Okay, so if I stay here for a week…"

"You could probably, safely, spend an hour in another realm."

"Oh, okay, so, we can wait a week, then you can really start teaching me to travel. Deal?"

"Alright, until then?"

The next week passed surprisingly quick. I got Ailith to show me what she used to do for fun. The first was Thursday. Ailith told me by checking a special wrist clock (a future device called a watch) always synced to the time in the shadow realm, even in other realms. That day, she took me to her memories. Instead of flying over them, we walked through the woods a good hour to reach a shallow stream. One side was a wall of rock that dropped into the deepest part of the stream. She finally gave me some underwear, then pushed me in, fully robed. She taught me to sit really still in the shallows until the little fish came up to us. Then try to grab them before darting away. She pulled out a bucket and filled it with water. We put our fish in there and she said we could go fishing later. At noon we sat in the sun, drying off and eating a simple picnic of cold cut sandwiches and cold milk. It started raining after lunch so we released our fish and went back home.

It rained all day Friday, so we stayed inside playing board games. I won the first game of chess, by breaking the rules. After that, even without rules, I lost, a lot. Saturday was clear, so Ailith introduced me to her sword. Her 'Blade of the Sun and the Stars'. The blade was silver and gold, swirling around, but not mixing. The hilt was red clothed and topped with a ruby eyed, diamond fanged, silver howling wolf head. She said she had forged that blade in her first life and has managed to keep it for every life since. We mock dueled the whole day. I got better as the day progressed until I beat her just as the sun set.

Sunday morning was a very serious lesson on her religion. She answered any questions I had about it so after lunch I decided to test her, see how far she'd go. I asked her several random questions that made no sense until we were both laughing to the point of tears. 'Do the brothers ever get into food fights?' I asked as seriously as I could. Ailith was better at keeping a straight face. 'Oh yes. They once got in a very serious crème pie war that lasted three years. It was paradise against punishment with the physical realm as their battle field. They took thousands of innocent lives but the final battle ended in each brother throwing their last pie. Each hit its target dead on and a truce was called. It took seven years to dig France out of the crème.' I was almost convinced that this had really happened when she broke and laughed herself to tears. Monday we made our own pies and reenacted the war, only this time I won, 1 hit to none. 1 hilarious hit straight in the face. Tuesday it rained again, which was beneficial until neighbor shadows came to complain about the pie crusts and crème in their memories. We just laughed and waved them away. Wednesday was a lesson and practice session controlling the rings. She taught me how to theoretically end up where I wanted. Then it was Thursday.

I woke up first. Ailith still slept on the sofa in the foyer. I reminded myself that I needed to get her her own room set up. I had been learning all week, so I snuck into the kitchen and managed to make the toast, eggs, and tea on my own before she woke up.

"Well done Ciel, I'm impressed."

"I decided to test myself."

"Well, today will be full of tests."

"What do you mean."

"I'm going to leave you in charge of directing us while we travel. I won't interfere. If you can manage it on your own, you can start traveling on your own. And you get a watch of your own so you can see how much time is passing here while in the physical realm." She beamed at me.

"Wonderful. I'm ready when you are."

"Eat first, its hard to concentrate on an empty stomach." Ailith watched the time and we left at 7:30. "You will have 1 hour of time in the physical realm no matter how much time is passing in the shadow realm."

"I know. We covered this yesterday." I was ready to head to the gates.

"Wait. Would you like to change?"

"What? Why?"

"No reason, just thought you might rather go in this." She pulled out my clothes. Ones from when I was alive. "The robes are informal wear and this is a special occasion."

"Thank you. This is wonderful." I changed quickly, leaving my white robe on my bed. I returned to the foyer. Ailith looked skeptical.

"What? Is something wrong?" I checked to make sure I had put on everything.

"I'm impressed. I was afraid that you might not know how to put it on by yourself." She was teasing me. I scowled and stalked out the door.

"Come on, let's go." She laughed. It was infectious. Before long I was smiling too. We walked to the gates and my old walking stick was still comfortable in my hand. We got to the gates in half an hour.

"Ready?" My answer was as confident as I was.

"Yes." She took my hand.

"Lead the way." I took us outside the gate. Closing my eyes to concentrate, I thought about Lizzy, willing us to land next to her present self. Ailith had said only picture the face. Anything extra could confuse the ring about what you wanted. I felt the ground fall away and I opened my eyes. The darkness became a garden and the ground came back to our feet. Lizzy was having a picnic lunch with her maid.

"I'll leave you for now. I will be back in one hour. I'll see if I can find any new memories to bring back. Well done Ciel, half the test passed." Ailith smiled, then disappeared. I approached the picnic and sat next to them. Lizzy was staring at nothing while her maid Paula pulled out the food.

"Do you think he's alright. Do you think he got hurt in the fire. He could have, you know. What if he was at home." I wondered who she was talking about.

"The servants all said he got back after the fire had burned out. I'm sure Ciel is fine. After all, he has Sebastian. Sebastian is a wonderful butler who would never let anything happen to Ciel." I felt my stomach flip. Lizzy was worried about me. I should have known. "Here mistress, eat. You'll feel better if you do."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." I could hear her whisper, "Please Ciel, come back safe. Please don't be hurt."

"Please mistress, you need to eat."

"Yes Lizzy, please eat, for me." It was useless. She was oblivious to my presence.

"Maybe later. Just not now." Paula sighed

"Yes mistress." She packed the food back up.

"Please Lizzy, don't do this to yourself. Please eat and have fun. I'm fine. I'm happy. Please be happy." She just sat there, staring at the clouds. Paula took the picnic back to the manor. I stayed, watching the clouds with her. Time passed in a blur. Before I knew it Ailith was back. "I wish I could do something for her, tell her I'm okay so she can move on."

"Hmm, she can't here or see you, but he can see other things."

"What do you mean?"

"A sign. Of course she would realize it means you are dead, but it will allow her to move on and not cling to false hope."

"You can do that?"

"Yes, something simple, but obviously yours… Ooh! I know!" I watched as she placed her hands on the ground and closed her eyes to concentrate. I watched as the ground I front of Lizzy began to tremble. She looked down and watched, mesmerized, as something began to grow from nothing. It started out like a dead stick, then it turned green, grew leaves and thorns, and finally, midnight blue petals with a black center. Lizzy starting crying.

"Oh Ciel, I will miss you. So much. Thank you for telling me." Lizzy picked the rose just as Paula came back.

"Mistress, it is time to come in. Oh! Mistress what is wrong?"

"Nothing, its nothing. I'm okay. Look what I got."

"What a pretty rose! Oh, come mistress, we must get it some water before it wilts. I've never seen one like this." Lizzy followed Paula and they disappeared together over the hill.

"Come on Ciel. Time to go back." Ailith was standing, watching me. I realized I was crying again.

"Ok, yes let's go." Getting back was easy. The whole day had passed in the shadow realm. When we got back to the manor, Ailith pulled out a box hidden in the sofa.

"Here. You earned it." Inside was a watch, like hers, only midnight blue.

"I don't need it. I won't be traveling anymore."

"Well, keep it, so you can stop asking me what time it is." I sighed and put it on. I could feel myself crying again. Ailith came over and embraced me. She whispered in my ear, "It gets easier. It gets better."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Days continued passing quickly. The soon turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. Once a month, Ailith would insist that we travel. We didn't visit anyone in particular. Instead, we would wander around, searching for new memories. One time, Ailith brought back a puppet making kit. It gave me the creeps and brought back bad memories, but it made Ailith happy and soon we were both making puppets and bending them to our wills. I made a Sebastian and Pluto, both dog and man, and had him chase Sebastian around. It amused me, so the bad memories stayed away. Each day, we found something new to do, even doing laundry was less of a mundane task when Ailith helped. Not long after visiting Lizzy, I gave Ailith her own room. She painted it black with silver dots like stars. Then she filled it with things from her memories. From her sword, to her collection of journals, and even some strange helmet for an inhuman head, she had it all. She spent some days reading her journals and would sometimes tell stories from them about her previous lives. Never a dull moment in the Phantomhive manor.

December 14, I awoke to a slice of cake and a small box on the nightstand beside my bed. The cake was delicious. The box came with a card. "Happy 14th birthday, Ciel. Hope this makes you smile. Inside was a picture of me and Lizzy. Underneath was a letter, addressed to me and covered in scorch marks. I opened it. I could tell from the handwriting, it was from Lizzy.

Dear Ciel,

Happy Birthday! Today would be your fourteenth birthday here. Is it the same in heaven? Mother suggested I write this. She said that if I wrote it and burned it, it would reach you in heaven. I hope she's right. I miss you so much, but I know you must be happy. You've been so sad since your parents died, now you get to be with them. I could never take that away from you. Things here have changed, a lot. Prince Soma bought your manor and had it restored. He takes good care of it. He calls us to visit with him frequently. Your servants now serve him, except Sebastian. No one knows what happened to him. Did he die with you? Or is he alive, ashamed he couldn't save you. I hope neither is true and he just found another master. After all, Prince Soma already has Agni. He doesn't need a second butler. I wish I could know for sure if you are going to get this letter. It doesn't matter. I'll just have to believe you will. I miss you. I love you. Happy birthday.

With all my heart and love,

Lizzy

The letter leaves me feeling empty. I don't know how Ailith got it, but I'm glad she did. Now I know, Lizzy hasn't forgotten me yet. This is good news, even if it leaves me hollow feeling. I climb out of bed and slip on the bluest robe I have. I move down the hall to Ailith's room, finding a note on the door. "Meet me outside, I have a surprise for you." I can't help wondering 'What now?' It's cold outside, but my robe is warm. It must have snowed in the night, for a thick white blanket covered the ground. I pulled on my shoes and followed a pair of footprints into the white. I was almost upon the creature before I saw it. I only knew it was there due to its soft nickering and black eyes. "Beautiful, isn't she?" I jumped. I hadn't heard her approach."

"Is that what I think it is?"

"A unicorn. They like the snow. There are more." She gestured to a moving mass standing a few yards ahead of us.

"Is this your surprise."

"Yep. There aren't any horses here because they have souls. Unicorns are soulless creatures, thus, they ended up here when they died. You can have one today."

"I get, a pet, _UNICORN?_"

"Yep. Stand here for a minute. Here take this." She hands me a chunk of raw meat. "When one approaches you, feed it the meat. It will form a bond with you and you will become its eternal master." Then she pulled out a chunk of meat of her own. "Watch." She held the meat out and a hundred sets of eyes turned to face her. Of those hundred, three stepped away from the group to sniff at her. Of those three, only one approached her and allowed her to feed it her meat chunk. As soon as the meat was gone, the unicorn whinnied softly and brushed its long nose against the side of her face. She reached up and pet it gently. "Your turn."

I held out my meat chunk cautiously. Of the hundred, only one stepped away from the group. It approached me and sniffed at my outstretched hand. Suddenly, it turned and fled, calling the rest of the group to follow. "Rejected by a unicorn, that is a new low for me." I started to turn and walk away.

"Ciel, wait. Look." Ailith was pointing at a black shape, standing out against the snow. The shape started to approach me confidently. Ailith looked dumbstruck. I held out the meat and the dark unicorn took it without so much as a second thought. Up close, I could see its sharp white teeth. When it was done eating, it lowered its head, brushing it against my own. "Ciel, that's amazing."

"What is."

"The black unicorn is the male, and leader of the herd. And he chose you." The dark unicorn lifted its head and let loose a tremendous neigh. The other unicorns came back, and I was quickly enveloped in a sea of warm white bodies. When the sea receded, the dark unicorn was all that was left standing at my right hand. "What will you call him?" I took a moment o think it over.

"His name will be…" I smiled as the perfect name came to me, as if whispered by the horse himself, "Demon."

Ailith called her unicorn Marshmallow. We lead them to the manor where Ailith had two bridles waiting, minus the bit. "We won't need those, they will understand what we wish of them. Now, they will be completely obedient, but they are friends and should be treated as such, meaning, be kind to them."

"Ok, I get it."

"Good. The better you are to him, the stronger your bond will grow and the better he will be to you." Once the bridles were on, Ailith had us let them loose. "They should stay with their herd for the winter. Especially Demon. His herd needs its leader. They will come back in the spring and be with us from then on. Demon will leave his herd with a new leader when time comes."

"Ok. You know, they are not as girly as legend makes them seem. I never would have thought them carnivorous."

"As gentle as they were to people, humans were afraid of them. They were hunted to extinction. Then the stories of them begun to mock them. I doubt there is an end to human idiocy. " It took me a minute to process the insult.

"Hey! I'm human!"

"I don't mean anyone in particular. Just humans as a whole. There aren't enough smart people to outweigh the idiots in the world. That's all. Please take no offense. No insult was directed at you."

"Fine. You can insult anyone else. Except Elizabeth. She's off limits." No one is allowed to insult my Lizzy.

"Of course. I would never insult anyone you love," she paused, thinking, "on purpose." At this, she smiles, as if she has just told a joke. I scowl at her.

The rest of winter passed without incident. We kept ourselves amused in every way we could think of, including a snowball fight in which many of our neighbors got caught in the crossfire. Most that did ended up joining, and our armies grew. The battle lasted all day and those that joined, mostly other children, walked away freezing but smiling. Spring came and our unicorns came back to us. We began training them and I was surprised they needed very little, despite what Ailith had said. We mostly taught them to understand what we wished based on what we did. Little actions signaling this and that. Then Ailith taught me to ride. We used blankets instead of saddles because "They don't like them." It was strange, but nice, being so closely bonded to them. Of course, they were a little work to take care of, grooming and feeding. Ailith taught me how to clean their stable stalls by turning the memory of a dirty stall into that of a clean one. This was how we cleaned everything around the manor, leaving more leisure time to enjoy ourselves. Demon was a good pet. Loyal as Sebastian and more expressively caring. Days continued to fly by.

May 7th, Ailith insisted on traveling that day. She was solemn about it leaving me suspicious. Even more so when she refused to tell me where we where going.

"What are we doing? Where are you taking me?"

"You'll see." We were outside the gates and Ailith was grabbing my hand. The ground fell away, a sensation I had grown accustomed to. "Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just do it." I had learned better than to argue when she refused to explain herself, so I closed my eyes. I felt as she started walking, pulling me behind. She had forced me to wear a white robe today like hers. I would soon see why. "You must be quiet now, or else we'll disturb her. You can look." I opened my eyes. We were in a graveyard. A headstone had been placed where there couldn't possibly be a body. It was engraved 'Ciel Phantomhive- December 14 1875 to May 7 1889. "For you Ciel, this is the one day that will always sync up. The day you died." There was someone there. I could hear her crying as she kneeled in front of the stone, laying a bouquet of white roses in front of herself.

"Lizzy?" She whipped around.

"Ciel?" She saw me, I don't know how but she saw me. She rushed up to hug me. "Ciel!" I was caught in the hug of a bear, but she quickly let go of me. "Ciel? You are so cold. Why?" Ailith answered my question before I could ask.

"This day is when your memory is strongest. The stronger you memory is, the more you can manifest in this realm. Today, you can be seen and heard by those most closely connected to you. You can pretend to be a ghost, come to comfort her on this day.

"I'm sorry Lizzy. I'm just a ghost."

"But you are here and that is enough."

"Just for today. I'll have to return to the shuh, uh ehm, sorry. I'll have to return to heaven before long."

"That's okay. Today is enough."

"You should have five hours Ciel. I'll see you again when they are up." With this, Ailith disappeared.

"Five hours Lizzy, then my time is up. Until then, what do you wish to do, my lady." I gave a bow and Lizzy blushed. She was beautiful.

"Ooh, I know! You should come see the manor. Prince Soma fixed it all up nice, just like it used to be." I chuckled.

"I know Lizzy, you told me, remember?" She squealed.

"So you did get my letter! I could send more and you would get them!" I had to think of a lie, quick.

"Er, no. I only got your first one because a passing angel saw you write it and pulled it out of the fire to bring it to me. I'm sorry Lizzy, but it would likely never happen again."

"Oh." She looked downcast.

"But, hey! I'm here now. Let's do something fun while we can." To this, Lizzy smiled.

"Okay. What shall we do." I mulled this over for a minute as music began drifting from the church. A wedding most likely. This was music to dance to.

"Would the lady be so kind as to share with me this dance." I offered Lizzy my hand and she accepted it graciously.

"Of course, kind sir. I would love a dance." We danced and danced and danced as the music drifted on. We danced until…

"You there! Girl! What are you doing dancing alone in a graveyard? Are you a crazy person? Does someone need to take you to a doctor?" The most unsightly man had stopped by the fence and was staring at Lizzy.

"He can't see me Lizzy. I think we need to leave and find somewhere more private." The man had entered the graveyard and was walking towards Lizzy.

"Didn't you hear me? I asked what was going on here."

"Run Lizzy, get out of here. I'll be right behind you." She didn't hesitate. She darted past the man and out the gate. She was almost caught when the man made a grab for her, but I managed to pull on his sleeve, causing him to miss. Lizzy kept running and I followed. She was fast and I realized she had grown. Her legs were longer. Come to think of it, I had grown too. She knew the city well and it was not long before we lost the stranger behind us. We came to a halt in a nice park and found a sheltered area to hide in. We were both breathless and panting. Once we caught our breaths, we looked up at each other and laughed. It had been fun to get into mischief like a couple of little kids.

The area we had sheltered in was small. Three bushes against a rock wall. But it was sunny and warm and nice. Lizzy was pressed up against me. She was shivering from cold so I tried to push her off of me. "No. I like it right here." I couldn't fight her over something this trivial. Especially not today, when our time was so short. So I shrugged.

"Ok Lizzy. Whatever you like." She looked up at me.

"Ciel, why do you still wear the eye patch? Surely a ghost could have no injuries." Her fingertips lightly touched the fabric, then moved down to explore my face.

"I guess it has just become a part of who I am. I would feel strange without it. In truth, I never had any injury there. Just something I preferred to keep hidden, to keep the questions away."

"Can I see what is underneath it. Do you want to show me." The hope in her eyes was irresistible. So I reached up and untied the knot. The patch fell away and I opened the eye that held my mark. "Oh! Ciel, it's so pretty! But, it wasn't always like that."

"No, something happened that I'ld rather not remember. It changed me."

"Ok Ciel. You don't have to explain. It doesn't matter anyway." Her fingers had moved down and were now tracing my chest through my robe. "Why are you wearing a dress?"

"It's just what people wear in… in heaven" I had to remind myself not to say shadow realm. "Do you not like it?" She looked up at me. Her eyes were light and happy.

"Of course I do. It's so pretty. You're so pretty Ciel. You know that right?"

"And you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I've missed you Lizzy. I've found ways to keep busy, to keep happy, and I hope you are doing the same. But I still miss you."

"I've missed you to Ciel. I kept the rose. Mother and Father say it was a miracle. It grew new roots so we planted it. Now we have a whole bush of them. Father says they're so unique, when we get enough growing we can sell them. He says we'll make lots of money. I hope you don't mind. If you do I can stop him. I can do something. Maybe I could…" She had begun to blabber so I did the only thing I could to quiet her. I lifted her face and bent mine down, gently pressing my lips to hers. She was quiet instantly. I pulled back and smiled at her.

"They are yours Lizzy. Do with them whatever makes you happy." For a moment, Lizzy was stunned. Then she threw her arms around my neck. Hugging me tight. I put my arms around her, hugging back.

"I love you, Ciel. Always."

"I love you too, Lizzy. Forever." We spent the rest of our time hidden in the bushes. We talked and watched the clouds. The sun was beginning to set when Ailith showed up.

"It's time to go, Ciel, we mustn't spend to long here." I sighed.

"I'm sorry, Lizzy. It is time for me to go." Together we stood and Lizzy began to pout.

"Ok Ciel. I understand. Will…will you ever come back again."

"Next year. You can meet me again here next May 7th. Until then, Lizzy" I bent down and kissed her again. With no hesitation, she kissed me back.

"Until then, Ciel. I'll miss you." She turned around and pushed herself through the bushes. I turned to Ailith. She was watching me again. There was something in her eyes. Before I could figure out what it was, she blinked, and it was gone.

"Ok Ailith. I'm ready." And I was. It had been a long time since I had been happy just to spend time with Lizzy.

"Alright then. Did you enjoy yourself." As she said this, she took my hand.

"Yes. Thank you for forcing me to come here today." She smiled, but the strange emotion was back in her eyes. Once again, she blinked it away before I could read it.

"Good then. Let's go home." We were already back in the shadow realm, making our way between memories to the manor. Dinner that night was a silent affair. Something seemed to be troubling Ailith, but when questioned, she claimed to be fine. I was to wrapped up in my new memories to think much of it, but that emotion still lingered in her eyes, like clouds preparing to move in and unleash a storm. Later that night, as I was preparing for bed, it dawned on me what the emotion was. It was hopeless loss and despair.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The days began to slow down after my visit with Lizzy. No longer flying by, but drifting. Each day was different, but the same. Each morning after breakfast, Ailith and I would sit, talking. I started asking questions about the shadow realm as I had finally realized, as much as I knew, it was almost nothing compared to what I didn't. At seven each morning, we would travel down to thee stables to let Demon and Marshmallow from their stalls. It was summer, so we could let them graze. We would brush them then ride them. After lunch was different each day. Whatever we wanted to do for the rest of the day, this is when we would visit the physical realm. I didn't want to go back to the spirit realm. Ailith taught me many things, but still only what I asked. There were many questions I didn't think to ask. So when it happened, I was caught off guard.

The violent tremors that had wracked my body all night finally started to slow as exhaustion weighed at my body. By morning, I had slipped into a light, broken doze. I couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so cold. It was like sleeping on ice with a thick blanket of freezing snow. So cold. I knew it was morning and I needed to get up, but I couldn't even feel my arms and legs. All I could feel was my ragged breathing, fluttering heartbeat, and cold. So cold. Later that morning something woke me from my broken doze, gently shaking me until my eyes cracked open. "Ciel. Are you okay? You are not usually one to sleep in. What's wrong?"

"I'm cold." I'm frozen and exhausted from shivering all night. Ailith took my blanket away. "No!"

"Just for a moment, Ciel. Then you can have it back. I promise. She laid warm fingers across my forehead. Just her fingers were enough to bring back the shivering. Her fingers moved to my chest, feeling my heartbeat and ragged breathing. She placed the blanket back but what little warmth it provided only made me remember how cold I really was. I couldn't stop shivering but I could feel the tremors weakening.

"Am I dying." I couldn't help but ask, though I knew I was already as dead as dead could be. Ailith's expression was very serious when she answered, making it all the worse.

"No. You can't die, but you've started to fade."

"Why? We haven't left the shadow realm in over a month."

"We are shadows of our lives. Simply a collection of memories. When a shadow's memory starts to fade from that of living creatures, that is, any living soul, we get extremely sick. But as long as there is enough memory left alive, you will adjust to living as less of a memory and soon be strong as ever." With this, I breathed a broken sigh of relief. "But, be warned, there is a high chance of it getting worse before it gets better."

"What! Why?" Even this exclamation was weak, barely more than a whisper.

"Because, these are the weakest memories of you that forget first. Strong memories will start to fade as well, each new memory stronger than the last, and making you weaker. Only the strongest will be left, those that may never truly forget." Watching her face as she said it, to the undiscerning eye, was indifferent. Cold as if she were a doctor I had never known, who did not care deeply for me. But I could see it. It was buried deep in her eyes, like she was trying to hide it, perhaps to make it seem like no big deal, but it was there. Not just worry, but downright fear. She was scared I wouldn't be strong enough to recover from this. There was no telling how many times she had seen this, how many she had tried to help, but lost because they couldn't survive. Their lives echoed in her, leaving a haggard expression of fear and despair, swimming at the bottom of her eyes. It was the most terrified I had ever felt, seeing that look. Knowing there was worse to come and that countless shadows before me had not been able to withstand it. There was no telling what my chances of survival were. But I could see, they were slim. Still, I arranged my face into a mask of serene confidence. She would not know how scared I was. She would not hurt over me.

"What shall we do then, if I am to be sick."

"You are going to rest. You need to conserve as much strength as possible for the days to come. Until then, I'll bring you some breakfast." She tried to offer a timid smile, but it came out like a grimace, like she had forgotten how to smile. As soon as she was gone, I collapsed into my pillows, to weak and disoriented to even remember sitting up. I was still cold. I curled up under my covers, conserving as much heat as possible. Still, I trembled. All I could do now was hang on as long as possible, in hopes of surviving, and brace myself for nonexistence in case I didn't. I wondered what it was like, not existing. Would it be like floating in empty blackness for eternity, or would I be able to feel anything at all. I didn't know the answers to my questions. All I knew was that I did not want it. I was not ready to leave what was left of my life. I was not ready to leave Ailith, I mean Lizzy. And Ailith too. I was not ready to fade away.

I was so scared for, Ciel. I had never seen anyone so bad so quick. He was so young. He didn't have time to leave a strong enough mark on others. So few truly cared for him, but now they were forgetting. I didn't think Sebastian would be enough for him to hang on to. He was barely enough for me, and I have the strength of a million lives. Ciel does not. It seemed inevitable. He was going to fade, and fate would leave me here, broken and alone, as always. As soon as I was out of earshot of him, I couldn't hold back any longer. I began to cry.

Ailith came back later, a bowl of broth in one hand, and a spoon in the other. I was on the edge of consciousness, but not strong enough to bring myself back to reality. She fed me. I could feel each spoonful radiate heat to my body, before being forced away by the relentless cold that continued to claw at me, like a cat playing with its mouse before the killing blow. Doing enough to hurt the mouse, to scare it out of its wits, but just too little to kill it before the cat was ready. I was glad there was no pain in fading. Just the cold, the fatigue, and the fear.

The days started to blur together, an endless period of shivering, exhaustion, and fear. I was never allowed to leave my room, not that I could have anyway. I stayed balled up under the blankets as summer turned to fall, then fall to winter, shivering the days away. One some point, I stopped having the energy to talk to Ailith. In fact, I had no energy at all to spare. Not even enough to swallow on my own, or go to the bathroom. It was all devoted to shivering. I felt myself wither away into near nothingness.

Day in and day out, I cared for Ciel. His pain had become my pain. His fear, mine. Watching him fade was the hardest thing I had ever done, but he needed me. So I intended to be there until the very end. I clung to the smallest thread of hope, the only hope, that Ciel would pull out of this. The fact that, while he was with Lizzy, I was traveling through the future. And that I had seen him there. I had also felt myself in the future, meaning, there truly was no escape. Fate intended to keep me prisoner just as it intended to give Ciel back his life. There was no hope for me. I was destined to lose everything that made me happy. But there was hope for Ciel. If he was in the future, then he will come back, no matter what. As long as Ciel survives, so can I.

It was my the day before May 7th. It was just moments before midnight. Ailith was there, feeding me more broth, trying to warm me up, but it didn't work. I felt my hold on existence shift. I was hanging over oblivion by my fingertips, but my grip broke. I felt myself fall into the cold. And then there was nothing.

It was May 6th, mere moments before midnight. I knew, if he could hang on just a little bit longer, just until midnight, his memory would grow immensely stronger and he would survive. "Just one more minute Ciel. Then you'll feel better." His fragile body began to spasm. It was happening. He was so close but it was ending. "Please, Ciel. Just 30 more seconds, hang on." The spasms started weakening, as there wasn't enough energy to continue them. Soon, they stopped. He continued to tremble, still cold. "Just 15 more seconds Ciel, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3…" he stopped shivering and it was done. He was gone. Ciel Phantomhive had been erased from existence. I began to cry as our watches beeped midnight.

I heard a beep. It was so faint, but I heard it. I followed the noise up. Soon, I began to hear weeping. It was a sound I knew. My Lizzy was crying. But why. And how was she here. I continued to follow the sound up. Above me, she sat, her tears falling into the pool of darkness I was swimming in. I heard my name. "Ciel. I'm sorry. I couldn't help you, I didn't know how. Please forgive me." My beloved was crying for me. I finally recalled what had been happening the past few months. The sickness that had dragged me down here, but it wasn't there anymore. Something had caused it to let go. I realized, it wasn't my own power, pulling me up. I had no power. I was too weak to move, to whisper my beloved's name. It was her. She had thrown me a lifeline and didn't even know it. I felt myself returning to her but she did not feel me. She was pulling me out of the darkness without even knowing it. I broke free. She was still above me, pulling me up. Her dark, ever present wings stretched out to circle her. I felt strength returning. I felt her, warming me up so it felt as if I were never cold. Finally, she had pulled me all the way up. I was wrapped in blankets in her arms. She cradled me and I was warm. She did not see that I was awake. She could not feel my breathing or hear my heartbeat from inside the covers. She was still crying, her tears leaving wet marks on my face. I had to get her attention, to tell her it was alright. My beloved's name broke from my lips in the softest whisper ever made, but she heard.

"Ailith." She opened her eyes, causing tears to stream out faster. There was a question on her face.

"Ciel?" Her question was a broken plea.

"Yes." Understanding struck her and she pulled me close. She was so warm.

"Ciel! I thought I had lost you!" More tears. Her beautiful green eyes were obscured by the wave of relief. I pulled myself from her arms and the wad of sheets I was wrapped in. I had stopped shivering, for her warmth was all I needed. I grabbed my handkerchief off the nightstand and dabbed the tears out of those familiar green eyes.

"It's okay now. I'm alright now." Her tears dried quickly when they were gone and I could see her eyes clearly, they shone, utter joy radiated from her at the simple fact I was alive. She attacked me, wrapping me in a hug that would put a bear to shame. It was a little strange. I found that, in the time I had been out, I had grown. I was taller than Ailith now. It was nice. I returned her embrace as best as I could, my full strength having not come back yet.

"I love you Ciel. Please don't ever leave me." Her voice was small and timid.

"I love you to. I promise, I won't." Lizzy's green eyes looked up. They were so familiar. Black wings enveloped me. They were so soft, and I was tired. I fell asleep and dreamt a strange dream. There were two people standing side by side. They were touching, yet seemed oblivious to the other's presence. Two pairs of identical green eyes watched me. I looked and saw, I loved them both. But I couldn't betray either's love. Lizzy and Ailith. They looked up at me. Identical green eyes watched and as I wrestled with these feelings. I met their gaze, struggling to understand something I seemed to be missing. Looking at them together, I finally saw. What I saw put my conflicted emotions to peace. Understanding lit me up. Loving both was betraying no one, for they were the same. Two different bodies of the same soul. I'm not sure how this was possible, but I knew it was true.

I woke up late the next morning, ready to tell Ailith of my dream, but she was asleep, curled up on my bed. I saw her face. Her serenity. She was at peace while she slept and I could not take it away. It occurred to me that telling her was Lizzy would take her peace away. She gave her soul to Sebastian so she could escape her endless cycle of life and death. For the time being, I would leave her in peace. I would let her believe she had escaped. I would never tell her otherwise. So now I had a secret. And a problem. How do you love two people who don't know they are the same without breaking one's heart?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

When I woke up again at 6 am, I felt great. Despite having had only six hours of sleep, I felt well rested. Ailith was still there. She had fallen asleep holding me. She must have been exhausted to sleep sitting up. I laid her down into my bed and left her to sleep. She murmured a little, but didn't resist. I grabbed my white roe from my closet, catching a glimpse of my reflection. I had to turn back to make sure I had seen right. I had already removed my old robe, so I could see myself clearly. I could easily count my ribs. I was paler than normal. I looked gaunt. A blind man could have seen that I had been very sick lately. I wasn't sure how Lizzy would react to seeing me today, but I had to go. I couldn't just blow her off. She was still my love. I sighed. Today was not going to be easy.

I dressed quickly and headed off to make some breakfast. She was still asleep when I brought some in to her. I decided to leave it for when she woke up on her own. I left a note, then went off to the stables. I hadn't seen Demon in forever. I hoped he wasn't mad at me for leaving him on his own for almost a year. Wow, a year. I was already 15, and actually looking like it. I had been dead two years. I was as old as Ailith now. It was hard to process since I didn't remember most of the last year. Demon nickered when I came in. I had brought both of them a treat. Two rabbits were hanging from my fist by the ears. They smelled them before I had even opened the door more than a crack. I threw Marshmallow a rabbit, then turned to Demon. He was watching me.

"Hey boy. Did you miss me." I held out the rabbit, which he profusely ignored, choosing to come up and sniff my face. He sniffed me all over before finally butting his head against mine. It was familiar. He was happy. He gladly took the rabbit and I let them both out of the stables. Marshmallow immediately took to the field, looking for other little things in the grass to eat. Demon stayed by my side, still watching me intently. "It's ok. I'm ok. You can go on." He finally took off, catching up with Marshmallow, already to the edge of the trees. It was nice to know he cared so much, and that he was so loyal. It made me smile.

When I got back, Ailith still slept. It was almost nine, and Lizzy would be expecting me soon. I was tempted to wake her, I had still not left the shadow realm without her, but decided against it. She had spent so long taking care of me, she deserved a good, long rest. I decided to leave a note with her food, though chances were, I would be back before she woke.

I had to make a choice. I knew I loved them both. I knew they were the same soul. But they didn't, and I wasn't going to tell them. So I had to choose. It was any easy choice. I could only truly visit with Lizzy once a year, every May 7th. But Ailith was here. I saw her everyday. Lizzy would forget about me. Ailith would not. We could be together forever. An easy choice. I knew I had to, somehow, end the visits with Lizzy. Carefully, I didn't want to hurt her. I had already formed a plan by the time I reached the gates. Now it was just time to execute it. I willed myself to land close to Lizzy, and she was right where I expected her to be, in our hiding spot. I made sure I was quiet, my voice no more than a whisper. "Lizzy." She was just as quiet.

"Ciel." Her face lit up, then fell. "Oh. What's wrong? You look sick."

"I have been wrestling with myself, trying to decide what to do."

"What do you mean? What's going on."

"Lizzy, I love you, but…"

"But?"

"It's this realm. Earth holds too many memories. Some are bad, and I don't like being back. But some are so good, most of those include you, that it hurts knowing I'll have to leave and it will be a year before I can come back to you. I miss you so much, but it is harder seeing just this little bit. I want more, but I can't have it. That is worse."

"What does it mean?"

"I'm not coming back again. and I want you to move on. Don't hang on to me, find someone else, someone living, who makes you happy. Please Lizzy, for me. Be happy."

"Ciel." She had started to cry, but wiped the tears away quickly. "I-I understand. I'll try. I'll try to be happy."

"You will. Time heals all wounds. I hate hurting you like this, but, it is easier, better this way." I started to walk away.

"Ciel? One more time, please." I turned back, and kissed her. She was the one who had to break away. "I love you, Ciel, always.

"I love you, forever." I turned to leave again, and was shocked to see Ailith behind me. I almost said her name, but she shook her head, gesturing to Lizzy. So I kept walking, and she followed. My gait was easy as we made our way back home. Hers was fidgety. Something was bothering her, and I think I knew what.

* * *

When I woke up, he was gone. I tray of food and a note was on his nightstand beside me. 'Be back soon. Unicorns are taking care of. I love you. Ciel.' It was not hard to figure out where he was going. It was May 7th. He had plans to meet Lizzy. I changed quickly, and made it to the gates just after he had disappeared. I followed him. I watched as he told Lizzy he wasn't coming back. I was confused. When he turned and saw me, he almost said something in surprise. I stopped him. Lizzy wouldn't understand. Instead, I followed him as we made our way back home. He looked like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders. I was waiting for the chance to interrogate him, questions reeling through my head faster than I could register them. It was a long way home.

* * *

"Why did you do that?" I was expecting this. I felt so good, I hadn't even worried about this conversation. I still didn't "I thought you loved her."

"I do, and I always will, but I love you more. Besides, it's better that she find someone who can make her happy all the time, not just once a year. She deserves to move on and you deserve more than just half my heart."

"And you deserve to be happy and if doing that hurt you then…" I cut her off. I scarlet blush was tinting her cheeks. For some reason, what she was saying made me laugh, she blushed deeper. She refused to meet my gaze.

"Ailith." I tilted her chin up, forcing her to meet my gaze. "I have never been happier. Now, knowing Lizzy will move on, and I have an eternity with you, I feel as if some burden has been lifted and I'm now lighter than ever before. I love you." She finally showed just the hint of a smile. I could feel myself grinning like I'ld never smile again. it felt so good. But still, her eyes were still clouded with confusion. I let her chin drop. I ran a hand through my hair. Geez, I needed a haircut. "Let me tell you something. Last night, I felt myself fall from existence. It was like floating in a pool of darkness. Something was dragging me down, but I heard a beep and it let go. I felt myself rising back up through the pool, but I wasn't doing it. I had no energy. Instead, it was someone above me. Someone was crying about me. She didn't know it, but she had thrown me a lifeline. She was pulling back up, back into existence, then higher, into consciousness. I woke up in her arms." She was dumbstruck. When I had started telling her this, I was serious, but now I could feel myself grinning again. I felt like I must look like an idiot, but I couldn't stop. I was too happy.

"I… brought you back?"

"I wouldn't exist anymore without you. It was you and only you. You saved me." She had started crying again. for the first time, I was the one who moved to her, enveloping her in my arms. Once again, I realized I had grown. I was about 3 inches taller than her now. " Thank you. You saved me. I love you." This time, she said it back.

"I love you."

* * *

"I love you." I loved him. I don't know how, but my mate was here. His familiar arms wrapped around me. His familiar eyes shone with the love too deep for him to even really understand. He loved me, just like he had for all those years. I loved him just as I would for all the years to come. I had thought I had been mistaken. I had told the truth that day. I could pick out my mate in any crowd, but I couldn't understand how there could be two. I still didn't. I also didn't care anymore. He was here. I was in his arms. He was in mine. I prayed a short, desperate prayer. 'Please, don't take him away again. Please, let us be happy. For a while, at least. Until whatever is coming, comes, and we are both given life again. Until then. Please.' I hoped that fate would be kind to us. I knew our time was limited, but I didn't want him to go until he had to. I wanted to keep him. For a while, at least.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"We never got to celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" I was confused.

"Your birthday, silly. You were sick for your 15th birthday." I felt myself chuckle. God it felt good to be happy.

"Of course you would be concerned about that." A small smile graced her lips.

"A birthday is a special day even to the dead. It marks the beginning of existence. Therefore, it should be celebrated. Even if it is celebrated late." She closed her eyes, briefly lost in thought. Then, she burst out laughing. It was a beautiful sound. "I know exactly what to do."

"What are you planning this time. I don't think you can top a pet unicorn."

"Oh? Is that a challenge?" She smiled so wide I might have been afraid her face would split in half. I smiled back.

"You know what? I think it is. Yes, yes, I challenge you to top a pet unicorn."

"What say we make it interesting? If I beat your challenge," she paused, thinking, "You have to wear pink robes for a whole month." She beamed. I was appalled by the mere notion.

"Fine, but if you fail," it was my turn to pause thinking. I smiled, coming up with the perfect idea, "You have to dye your hair and wings orange." She looked incredulous.

"Orange?! Why _ORANGE_?!"

"Because I said so. Deal?" I stuck out my hand, ready to be shook. She glared at it before smiling again. She was beautiful, I honestly stopped caring who won or lost.

"Deal." We shook. "Okay, I'm gonna need some time. You can go amuse yourself until I'm ready. She then proceeded to kick me out of the manor. I was chuckling all the way out the door. Before she shut it in my face, I pulled her through and kissed her. She melted into me. When we finally broke apart, she pouted slightly.

"I'll see you later. Okay?" she nodded, then went back inside, closing the door behind her. I really did not know what to do. I had never really been on my own here. Ailith had always been with me. I began wandering around. I found myself in the rose clearing where Sebastian had laid me to rest. I could see blood staining the white from where it had leaked from my body. Funny, this time, the memory didn't bring back the pain. All I could think was how, if he hadn't done it, I wouldn't be here now. I wouldn't have Ailith. I love her. I love her so much, just this little time apart is already making me miss her. So I distracted myself. I wandered between memories, trying to make the time pass. A few familiar shadows from the snowball fight said hi, but only one caught my attention.

"Ciel! Hey, Ciel! Remember me?" A little boy with ginger hair and brown eyes tugged on my sleeve. His green robe was too big on him.

"Uh, yeah, Luca, right?"

"Uh-huh. Where have you been? No one has seen you and Ailith for almost a year. Some of us were afraid something bad had happened."

"I just got sick for a while, but I'm better now." His little eyes widened.

"You started to fade?"

"Yeah, but, I'm okay now."

"Good. You know, things are usually boring around here. I don't have many happy memories. But you two are always so much fun."

"Why, what happened in your life."

"Me and my brother were orphans. Everyone in our village treated us like dirt. Brother wanted so bad for them all to pay for how they treated us. So I made a contract for his wish to come true. That day, the fulfillment of my brother's wish was the happiest day of my life." I felt ashamed listening to this kid's story. He had given his soul for his brother. He was so selfless. "What about you? Why did you end up here?"

"I… I sold my soul to a demon to get revenge on the people who had taken my family away and humiliated me." I felt my head hang in shame.

"Oh. That's terrible! Why are some people so mean?"

"I guess, it makes them feel good to have power."

"People here, none of them had truly happy lives. Most of them sold their souls to demons to fulfill some wish or another, but you have to be pretty desperate to do that. Then you come here and have to relive your memories. It's terrible."

"Not always. I've been happier here then I was on earth for a long time. We get to choose what kind of memories we relive and Ailith has shown me how to make new memories. I guess it's all about perspective." Luca was staring at me.

"You remind me of my brother. So smart. Just like Jim. Except, he's not Jim anymore. He made his name Alois and he has a new life now. I miss him." The younger was musing now, he looked sad.

"Do you want to come have fun with me?" He looked up, slightly bewildered.

"What do you mean?"

"You can come back to my manor with me. Ailith has promised a birthday celebration to top all others. I'm sure it will be awesome." I smiled at the little boy. He smiled back.

"Okay."

"First, Ailith has demanded some time to work. Why don't we go exploring. She won't mind if we wander through her memories."

"Yes. And we'll have lots of fun?"

"Lots and lots of fun. More fun then you'll know what to do with."

"Yay!"

* * *

I took him to the creek where Ailith taught me how to catch the little fish. We swam for a while, then relaxed in the sun. "See, I bet you never got to do this while you were alive."

"Nope. This was so much fun."

"Good. We deserve to have a little fun now, don't you think." He was watching the clouds, he seemed almost asleep.

"Uh-huh." His response was slow. After a minute, I could here light snoring. I watched the clouds for a while, wondering what Ailith had up her sleeve this year. I came to the conclusion I would likely be wearing pink for a month. I must have dozed off because I woke up and her face was hovering inches over mine.

"Gah!" My exclamation woke Luca up,

"What? What's going on." Ailith was watching me, bemused.

"Did we make a new friend?" She turned to Luca. "Hello. I'm Ailith. What is your name?"

"I'm Luca."

"Hello Luca."

"What the hell was that." She had really scared me. She was laughing at me. I felt the blush creep over my cheeks.

"I was watching you nap. I came to tell you I'm ready for you." She turned to Luca. "Will you be joining us this afternoon?"

"Ciel invited me." He smiled at me. Then turned back to Ailith. "You have such wonderful memories."

"Yes, I think so too."

"I like your wings. They are so pretty."

"You are welcome to feel them." Luca reached out a hand and stroked the feathers. Ailith's eyes closed in blissful contentment. I was struck with a pang of jealousy out of no where. Ailith's eyes met mine. I knew she could see the jealousy plain on my face. As Luca continued to stroke her wings, she grabbed me, and pulled me into a warm embrace. She whispered so quietly even I barely heard, and she was right next to me. I knew Luca wouldn't hear no matter how hard he me strain to listen. "Do not be jealous. There is no one who could replace you. You have my whole heart. I love you." She stretched up to peck me on the lips. Somewhere in my mind, I registered the fact that Luca must be watching us, but I didn't care. This was my Ailith, my Lizzy, my love. When she broke the kiss, she spoke to both of us. "Now, are you two ready to see what kind of celebration I've prepared for Ciel's 15th birthday?" Luca spoke up first.

"I am!" I spoke next.

"This should be interesting." I chuckled. "Are you really gonna hold me to our bargain?"

"Yep." She seemed confident that she would win.

"What bargain?"

"If this celebration tops last year's, Ciel has to wear nothing but pink robes for a whole month. If it doesn't, I have to dye my hair and wings orange." He looked stunned for a moment before bursting into laughter.

"Promise I get to see the results?"

"Don't worry. I'll make sure the whole shadow realm gets to see the results." We had made it back to the manor now. Ailith produced a second eye patch. "Here, put this on over your other eye." I obeyed and she dragged me through the front door.

"Wow! You did this all by yourself.?"

"Yep."

"Awesome."

"When do I get to see?" I felt myself pout a little.

"Soon. I promise. Just gotta do one more little thing. Luca, make sure he doesn't peek."

"Okay." I heard the rustle of feathers as she moved away. "It really is amazing Ciel. You are gonna love it."

"I'm back. You can look now Ciel." I slowly removed the eye patch, both fearful and curious. Curious as to what it might be, and fearful that it really would top Demon. It did.

"Ailith this is…" I was at a loss for words. Roses. Roses everywhere. Two pots, one at the end of each banister, held living, cerulean roses. They grew on the banister, and at the top, created a beautiful arch. Also at the top of the stairs, more roses. Growing up to cover the wall. Roses in all sorts of colors, some that shouldn't even exist, coming together to create a picture. Mother, Father, Lizzy, Sebastian, Madame Red, Grell, Undertaker, Lau, Ran-Mau, Aberline, Prince Soma, Agni, just, everyone. Everyone I'd ever cared about. And at the center, under the arch, me and her. Side by side in robes of silver, on her, and gold, on me. Feathers too. Strewn across the floor, tucked in between the roses. It was all, heart wrenchingly beautiful.

"Ciel? Are you okay?" Her hand stretched up and touched my cheek. Her fingers came away wet. She looked upset. "Do you not like it. I can take it down if you don't. It's okay. And I'll go find some orange…" I cut her off, clamping a hand over her mouth.

"This is the most wonderful thing I've ever seen. I love it."

"You mean it?"

"Of course. Thank you." She smiled.

"Then I guess you'll be needing this." She held up the pink robe I guess she had gone to get. I took it and laughed, changing right there. I didn't care that it was pink. I didn't care that Luca was snickering away behind me, or that anyone else might see me for that matter. All I cared about was her. She was smiling. She was happy. And that was all that mattered.


End file.
